Wake ME Up Inside…

Today I found myself feeling a bit frustrated. Not only because there are not enough hours in the day to accomplish all of the things I want to accomplish, but also because not everyone wants what I want! Can you imagine?! LOL
Let me explain. Now that I feel so good, and I have reached the top of a giant mountain I wanted to climb…I want everyone to climb up here and join me. But…I find that not everyone wants to. Hmmm…I don’t think I prepared myself for that one! I kind of forgot to stop and think about where other people might be. Many people are back where I used to be and have not “flipped the switch yet” (as you will frequently hear me say). So I’m like, “Flip the switch! Come join me up here on top of this mountain! It’s beautiful!” Wait, what do you mean you don’t want to climb this mountain right now? You don’t have the energy to climb this mountain? You want to do it sometime next week…maybe? But I can pull you up…I’ll help you…hello?

Yeah, so…not everyone is there or wants to be there, and I have to learn to accept that. Doesn’t mean I have to give up on them, but I do need to respect it and move forward. I need to put myself in their shoes and remember what it felt like when I was there. Ugh. I hate the thought of anyone being there.

So, as I was sweating it out on the treadmill…which is now where I do most of my deepest thinking it seems…I thought about the switch-flipping thing. It occurred to me that I missed a step. Waking up. Before you can flip the switch, because believe me, it’s heavy…you have to be mentally prepared. That switch is weighed down by many different things, and those things vary from person to person. Some might be the same…or at least similar, but they all weigh differently and have different meaning to each of us. You might be weighed down by guilt, low self-esteem, abuse, depression, pride, shame…a combination of many…and then some.

When I thought about “Waking up inside”, I thought of the song by Evanescence…which came on as I was beating feet on the treadmill. Now, I know Amy Lee wasn’t singing about food addiction and weight loss and having more energy, etc., but the desperation in her words and in her voice is clear. These words just resonate with me…”I’ve become so numb”, “My spirit’s sleeping somewhere cold, until you find it there and lead it back home”, “Save me from the dark”, “Save me from the nothing I’ve become”, “Frozen inside”, “All this time, I can’t believe I couldn’t see”, “I’ve got to open my eyes to everything”, “Wake me up inside, I can’t wake up”…

Those words just get me, and maybe they get you too…maybe not. I think there are many types of people, many different journeys, and a million different places in which we all rest along those journeys. Here are but a few I have encountered on this journey, and I too have been each and every one of these:

***DISCLAIMER: I am not in any way shape or form making fun of anyone, making light of anyone’s situation, or trying to be a jerk. I have been ALL of these at one time or another! Just keepin’ it real people!!

#1 The Procrastinator – I’m going to do that. I need to. I will do it…probably tomorrow…well maybe Monday…

#2 The Dodger – You talked to them about it, they seemed pretty interested and excited…and you haven’t seen or heard from them since. LOL

#3 The I want it, but I don’t want-want it – LOL…this is still sometimes me! It’s the person who sees something they want, and they’re really excited about it. They want it bad…just not bad enough to do something about it!

#4 The Sloth – Oh boy have I been the sloth. The one who just..can’t…do…much of anything. No, I’m not making fun of the sloth. The sloth, often times, has a bunch of different real reasons as to why they are where they are and can’t seem to get out. I’m an empath, so I’m actually the sloth’s biggest cheerleader.

#5 The Excuse-Maker – Ahem. I’m sure I don’t need to describe this one. We’ve all been here at one time or another I’m sure. I think their favorite word might be “BUT”.

#6 The Delusional One – They don’t even think they have a problem or need any help of any kind with anything. Maybe they don’t…they just sure seem unhappy about 99.9% of the time.

#7 The Party-Pooper – This here is one miserable individual…so much so that they drag everyone else down around them. After all, misery loves company don’t-cha know!! Oh and beware…this is often the person who will sabotage your efforts or make you feel bad when you’re doing something good. This person is usually hiding behind a wall of hurt and needs some TLC despite them snapping at you.

#8 The Timid One – They want big things. They mean well. They have great plans and aspirations, but they are too shy and unsure to follow through. They are typically introverts and may or may not have anxiety issues and depression. Sounds familiar. Oh yeah, this was me not too terribly long ago!!

#9 The Stubbornator – This stoic guy or gal is super stuck in their ways. This is the way they’ve always done things and will continue to do things. Doesn’t matter that it might not always work out very well for them…that’s just the way they do it!

#10 The Whichever-Way The Wind Blows – Sigh. They’re not really sure what they want or what they need…they just know it’s not this! They have a tendency to just go with the flow…in the direction everyone or anyone else is going…whether it’s good for them or not.

My point in listing all of these out and describing them (US), is to call us all out! I really think we need to take a hard, long look at ourselves…deep down…and be very real and blunt about who we are. Who are we?…and more importantly, how is it keeping us from being where we want to be? By doing so it allows us to take ownership of our weaknesses. It allows us to learn from our mistakes (and the lies we tell ourselves) and move forward. It allows us to “Wake up inside”. Only then will we be able to walk over to the switch and flip it. I’m super excited for you to flip that switch and put your climbing gear on, because I will always be right here to help you up to the top…








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